Tour de (Western) Balkans 2023

Writing this from our midpoint in Montenegro on a rainy rest day high up a hill with washing strewn around us seems like a good time to take stock of what we’ve brought with us. I asked Jon over our lunch of chips shopska salad and bean stew: what would you do differently in terms of kit and clothing and the answer was nothing other than a thicker sleeping bag and a thick pair of socks.

My answer would be 1 pair tights only and only 2 shirts rather than 3, as I’ve yet to wear the third, 2 pairs of normal pants rather than 3, 2 pairs of synthetic low cut cycling socks rather than 3/cotton, and only merino tank tops no cotton ones (Ali the Decath one you gave me is ace) as the cotton ones are cold when they’re sweaty.

I’ve found over the years that flowery skirt and tights is a warm alternative to trousers and weighs a lot less. If you get rained on it dries very quickly. When the weather is good and the country doesn’t call for modesty, I’ll often cycle in the skirts as well.

Clothes – for the real nerds only

KW: 2 pairs of cycling padded pants, 2 pairs of knee length fast drying shorts, 3 pairs of lowcut socks (2 cotton 1 synthetic), 1 pair of calf high wool medium weight walking socks, 1 pair of calf high waterproof socks, 2 flowery skirts, 2 pairs of high denier tights, 3 pairs of knickers, 2 bras, two tank tops, 3 thin long sleeved shirts, 1 thin cotton nighty/dress I can wear to hide bottom in shorts or when sleeping in hostel, 1 pair merino leggings, 1 thin merino long sleeved top, 1 thicker merino zipup cycling top, 1 fleece, 1 down jacket, 1 water proof jacket, 1 waterproof trousers, 1 woolly hat, 1 buff, 1 long thin cotton headscarf for visiting mosques and churches, 1 pair thin merino undergloves, 1 pair thick woollen Dachstein mitts, 1 pair gortex overmitts, 1 pair Merrell gortex shoes, 1 pair of v light granny shoes, 1 pair flipflops, 1 pair of thick woolly Macedonian socks from the market. 1 swimming cosy.

Brief interlude on how to keep a healthy non-sore undercarriage (THIS MIGHT SHOCK SOME SO BEST AVOID READING THIS IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT FEMALE HYGIENE BUT LET’S JUST BE MATTER OF FACT ABOUT THIS, this is me writing as a doctor so you get the nitty gritty – well hopefully neither – version!) PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THIS IS NOT EVIDENCE BASED MEDICAL ADVICE JUST WHAT WORKS FOR ME

My rules of thumb are:

– wear padded cycling pants, wash these every day, even if it means they might be a bit damp when you put them on in the morning, they’ll dry soon enough

– don’t sleep in pants, let everything air

– no shaving, trimming, waxing down below – full blown au naturel – extra padding and no risk of inflamed bits or sharp hairs

– if you are menopausal you may want to consider getting started on vaginal oestrogen if you are able to, well before your trip and use regularly throughout

– final tip courtesy of Ukrainian lady we met in France last year; she a hardy farmer who worked her socks off all day. She was pretty disinhibited and shared that she carried around a flask with “mountain tea” to wash down below after every nature pee. Whilst I do not carry around a flask of mountain tea to that effect, I do now have a wee water squirt wash from my cycling bottle after a nature pee. Sharing this obviously now puts me in the even more disinhibitedly bonkers category than the Ukrainian farmer lady, (this will come as no surprise) but if I’m honest this is the difference between riding over 2000km comfy and not walking like John Wayne every night.

I started this trip on a brand new Brooks saddle and other than a nerve being pinched on long climbs that gives me a numb foufounette after about 700m of steep ascent, which then recovers on the downhill, everything is very comfy down below thank you very much.

I see so many women at work who are too embarrassed to talk about this and frankly it puts a lot of women off cycling, hence the sharing.